West Virginia Rafting Pics

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Trip to West Virginia for White Water Rafting

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Harrison's New Radio Flyer Wagon

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Trip to Chicago - 4th of July Weekend

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Yep, we DEFINITELY have crawling

It's official...Harrison is a crawler. When and where he chooses to exercise his new ability knows no limits....in the middle of a messy diaper change (oh honey, you just got poop EVERYWHERE)...on the bed when you're trying to dress him (took 15 minutes to put on that onesie)...in the bathtub (no standing / crawling in the bathtub!!!)...

You get the picture. He is now capable of moving without warning.

The last two weeks he'd have to wiggle around like a beetle on its back in order to flip over to start crawling so at least you had some warning before he made his move. Not so today. This morning he was just sitting on the floor and took off on all fours. He hadn't done this previously, not even in daycare. He'd attempt to go on all fours but was really wobbly...today he just took off. It looked like he'd been crawling for years. I was so thrilled that I was there to see it. One of my worries is that he'll do everything first at daycare and we'll never get to see any of it....well, with crawling that hasn't been the case! One of these days I'll post a video of his newly developed talent.

Now I have to devise a strategy for keeping him on his back during diaper changes....

Ah Houston….the Baby isn't where I left him….

Well, my sweet little bundle of joy has learned to crawl and sit up on his own over the past couple of weeks. He has been able to sit for quite some time now but couldn't go from laying down to sitting up by himself. I discovered his ability to crawl about 10 days ago when I put him on the floor with a bunch of toys and went to the kitchen for something. When I came back he was about 4 feet away from where I left him laying on his back. I wondered how he accomplished such a feat so I put him back in a sitting position where his toys were and just watched. He threw himself forward onto his stomach and proceeded to grunt and wiggle his way to a new spot and then flop himself onto his back. He'd get mad though because he couldn't figure out how to sit up. Well, one morning about a week ago he struggled and struggled to do what looked like a funny sort of push up from his stomach and I wondered what in the heck he was doing. Then, very slowly he started to bend one of his legs under him and finally pushed his mass over the leg and onto his rear. "Tada!!!!" his smiley face said to me. Then he was on a quest to reproduce this movement. After about 3 hours he was very proficient with sitting up on his own. When he wakes up in the morning he now sits up in his crib and waits for someone to come get him.

Most recently he's begun working on crawling on all fours. He hasn't sorted it out just yet but is close. He'll get up on all fours like a wobbly, newborn doe and then decide it's easier to move on his stomach and wiggle and grunt his way to wherever he's going. When he gets there he sits up with a look of pride and checks to make sure we saw his accomplishment. Of course this is always followed by lots of clapping and praise from Jeremy and I and he lets the squeals of happiness fly.

This new talent has proven very helpful, at his last doctor's appointment we had to wait and wait in the room before we saw his doctor. He entertained himself by crawling from one end of the table to the other…of course with me making sure he couldn’t fall off of the table. Even after 20 minutes he was still grunting and wiggling his way from one end to the other much to my delight.
Learning to crawl has impacted his energy level for sure. By the end of the day he is just worn out and his arms are really tired. He goes to sit up and can't quite make it. He looks up at us with his big eyes and this plea on his face asking us to please help him sit up as he's too tired to do it anymore. Of course we help him sit and he seems grateful for the assistance.

I have to say, this blessing called parenthood is really rewarding. I never imagined the pride and happiness I would feel watching my little one learn to do something as basic as move from one place to the other without help. I must confess though…my pride didn't kick in until the initial shock over no longer being able to count on the fundamental assumption that he doesn't move from where he is placed wore off. Now the doors to the stairs are closed and we are careful to ensure he can't hurt himself scooting from one place to the other. Given he pulls himself to standing regularly….we'll be working on all the baby proofing in short order…yes, we are tardy in that regard. Too many other things to do and enjoy!

My only sadness in all of this is that Emma and Sebastian don't really get to see any of this learning. By the time they get to our house, he generally has mastered the new skill and they don't get to watch how it develops. I really wish they had more time together!!! That's true of all of Harrison's family…he doesn't get to see enough of any of them. I'm sure he'd tell you he's sick to death of us though…ha ha ha.

Separation Anxiety

Today I almost quit my job on the spot to stay home with Harrison and then I remembered that it would be awfully cold living on the streets here in Detroit.

Every other day we've taken the little one to daycare he has never shed a tear during the drop off process and with the exception of the first few days in care, he wasn't crying when we picked him up either. Every time we check in on him he's as happy as he can be and never seems like he's in a hurry to go home. Most days his teachers are cuddling him when we walk in and jokingly tell us we can't take him because they love him so.

Today, Jeremy placed Harrison in an activity center (seat for the child to sit / stand in that is surrounded by toys in a circle…big plastic thing) as always and he was fine. I went over to kiss him as I normally do and he burst into tears. It was just a peck on the top of the head and a brief "Mommy loves you and will see you after work" sort of message. The same thing I say to him every morning. After the quick peck he burst into tears like I broke his heart. I turned around to comfort him and give him another kiss and he quieted down. When I stood up again he started crying. I just looked at Jeremy with this stricken look that said "I can't leave here with him crying…" Thankfully Jeremy is a sweetheart of a guy and understood. He offered a smile in support while a teacher scooped Harrison up. He stopped crying and went back to being his happy self.

Oh my…what have I gotten myself into??!! My heart nearly imploded today. I don't suppose the heart imploding moments with my child will get any easier…

On a happier note…my conversation with Harrison on the way home from school yesterday went like this…

I said "Mama" and Harrison said "Dada" and so we continued all the way home. If I said "Mama" in a high pitched voice, he changed the pitch of his voice to say "Dada." I called Jeremy part way home so he could listen to the conversation and we were all very entertained. When I got him out of the car I laughed and tickled him and told him we was supposed to say "Mama." All he said in response was "Dadadadadadada." He only says "mmmmmmmmmmm" or "Mama" when he really really wants my attention. It was a sweet memory and I cracked up all the way home.

I really do love being a mom...it's the most rewarding thing I've done to date.

I'm in the Club!!!

Harrison let me in on a little secret the other day... After he wee-wee'd on me for the forth morning in a row during his "just woke up" diaper change, I asked him this question:

"Son, why is it you keep doing this to Mommy? I'm all dressed for work and now I have a memento of you on my pants. I was so fast with the diaper that I'm not even sure how you managed such a feat and here you've done it four days in a row. Why?"

He gave me his biggest smile and replied, "Mommy, you're IN the club now. You see, I haven't wee-wee'd on you before now because I was perfecting my aim. I want everyone to know you are my mommy and that you have a son...." He went on to tell me about baby girls having a different ritual that they talked about in the hospital nursery. He also said baby boys were very proud of their ability and at the appointed moment are to initiate their mom's into the "I'm a Mom of a Boy" club. He thought the girls ritual was silly and that boys were definitely cooler. He said he asked the other baby boys if their mom's got mad at them when they carried out the initiation and they all assured him that moms everywhere loved this ritural. He said that mom's everywhere laugh and think it's funny.

That's when I stopped him and said, "Son, while I love you beyond words, I do not love being pee'd on. It's true that I'm not mad at you, but now that I'm officially a member of the club, could you please wait until the new diaper is on?"

He smiled and squealed his satisfaction with having successfully completed the initiation ceremony, and we made a deal that he would keep his business in his diaper from now on. I didn't want him to think that I didn't appreciate his affection but taught him that he can express his love in other, less messy ways.

So, I'm happy to say that I survived my initiation and am now in the club thanks to my 6 month old son.

6 months 3 weeks old

Well, here are the little things I've noticed with Harrison this week...

He seems more animated than ever. He squeals when something makes him happy which just cracks us up. He also "yells" when we put him in his carseat as he's not fond of being strapped in. A goofy face or two and he forgets he's in his seat and all is well. We think he said "Daddy" yesterday but it could have been our eagerness for him to say anything that led us to hear "Daddy". He says "mmmmmmmmmmmm" a lot when he's trying to get my attention...that could be a coincidence too. When I picked him up from daycare yesterday he pressed his face against mine (chin, mouth, nose) for 3 - 5 seconds at a time and he did it a bunch of times. I wondered if that was his version of giving kisses because he gets them ALL the time from us. I have a ritual I do with him when we get home where I put him on the bed and kiss him until he laughs...even if I have to pick him up upside down and kiss his nose....I'll keep at it until he laughs. He's FINALLY back to eating good. It seems like he hasn't gained any weight in about 3 weeks (since his ear infection and subsequent teething). He ate good the last couple of days and finally put on a couple of ounces so we were happy. His teeth haven't come through yet but you can see them in there. His gums aren't as red and swollen now as they were a week ago and so I'm thinking he's going to go through some sort of additional gum discomfort before they finally break through...oh joy! He sucks on his tongue which cracks us up. It takes him a few tries to get it in the right spot and he makes all kinds of noises trying to attempt it. It does prove to be very entertaining for him. Who needs a pacifier when you have a tongue? This picture is of him sucking on his tongue. One last thing, we're pretty sure his eyes will be green just like his momma's. Given that he is the spitting image of Jeremy (which I love), I am hopeful they end up green as that will be a reflection of me in him.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I certainly know my list of things to be thankful for is longer than ever! I hope everyone has a great day with friends and family! Stop and enjoy each other! Life goes by way to quickly!! Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving...Full of Memories (this is a long one)

Reading through some of my previous posts today brought back a lot of memories from Thanksgiving and Christmas over the past couple of years. I ran across one post from about this time last year where I was lamenting another holiday season without a successful pregnancy when I realized I never told the story of why THIS Thanksgiving I was more thankful than ever.

Two years ago at Thanksgiving we were celebrating our first pregnancy and on Christmas day, we were in the ER in Oklahoma City due to miscarriage. One of my previous posts (ironically about a year ago) talked about my cycle not starting after my second miscarriage for well over 100 days and how I felt defective, and then.....and then, the day after Thanksgiving last year, I took a pregnancy test just for giggles because my husband and sister-in-law were convinced I was pregnant and sure enough....I was. I went to have blood drawn that day to see what my hcg levels were and they were off the chart. We were ecstatic but very scared. My awesome OB nurses (Pat and Roberta) were very positive and encouraging and said I was between 8-12 weeks with my hcg level (over 40,000...anything over 5 is pregnant). Then we had to wait the long, long weekend for a second level to find out if the pregnancy was viable. If the numbers were going up, we were good, but if they were going down, it didn't look good for us again. On Monday, I went in for the blood draw, and the call on Tuesday felt like it would never come. When it did, we were devastated. My numbers had dropped, but the nurse was still very positive and said that at some point in the pregnancy they start to go down and maybe that's just where we were in the process. We made an ultrasound appointment for the next day and another very long day ensued. At home on Tuesday night, I snuck into the basement with my hospital grade doppler to see if I could hear the heartbeat. I felt that if I could then everything would be okay. I just couldn't wait until the ultrasound to see if our little baby was alive or had passed like the two before it. After what felt like years, I finally found the heartbeat. I was on cloud 9,999 but didn't tell Jeremy because I didn't want him to worry about me. I could only keep my silence until the next morning, and then I played the heartbeat for Jeremy. He was pretty happy about hearing the heartbeat too but a bit miffed that I hadn't shared it with him the night before. So we went to the appointment knowing that we'd see a live baby on the screen at the doctors office instead of what we had experienced previously. What we didn't know was how long it would last because my levels were falling (a very bad sign) and I had been off and on provera trying to get my cycle to restart.

We arrived at the appointment prepared for the worst but hoping and praying for the best. The ultrasound tech put the gel on my slightly rounded stomach and we saw a hand go by. At our previous appointments we saw the entire baby on the screen so to see a hand fill the screen was certainly not what we expected. The ultrasound tech laughed and said, "You're skipping the first trimester and going straight to the second!!" She had to change heads for the ultrasound (think of it as having less zoom) so we could see all of the baby and there on the screen was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life!!! There was a sweet little baby all wiggling around and kicking. It was a few more weeks before I could feel the kicks, but I'm here to tell you, I celebrated everyone of them. I started crying, and in doing so, was making it hard for the tech to get the measurements she needed so I got myself together so she could tell us how long he had been in there and whether or not he was healthy. Jeremy and I were just smiling ear to ear the whole time and his eyes were misty too. We were holding hands talking to the screen and were instantly in love with our little miracle. There he was with all 10 fingers and toes…we could see his heart, his brain, and all the important parts. The tech finished up and told us we were 16 weeks and 4 days pregnant and that our baby was due on Mother's Day in 2008. She also said the baby was past the miscarriage danger zone, and that we were squarely in the second trimester. My joy could NOT be contained, and when I sat and thought about everything, I knew that this baby was truly a blessing from God. His little miracle delivered in His time and according to His plan. After two miscarriages, Jeremy and I were prepared to worry about every moment until we made it to the second trimester. This time, no need to worry…we had already passed that milestone without ever fretting about an appointment. The due date was another sweet reminder of God's love…you see, Jeremy had surprised me on Mother's Day in 2007 when I was pregnant the second time with all kinds of sweet things from him and the baby along with a card signed "Havason" (a mix between the two names we had chosen for a boy and girl…Harrison and Ava). After the loss of the second pregnancy I was doomed to associate that memory, bitter sweet as it was, with Mother's Day from then on….but once I found out our sweet baby was due on Mother's Day, the pain from that memory just vanished. You see, everything about this pregnancy was exactly as it was supposed to be.

Well, you know how it ended up….Harrison was born just 2 hours shy of his Mother's Day due date, and while I still don't have the answers for why our sweet baby had to spend the first 3 weeks of his life in the NICU, I know that there was someone else watching over us and making sure we were growing stronger and closer together as a family. I'm not one to believe in coincidence. That doesn't mean I always know why things happen, but what I DO know is that God is in control and for that, I am more thankful this year than ever. So Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Here's a flashback to Harrison at our first ultrasound appointment...

Oh My GOSH!!! Where's the Camera??!!!

Harrison turned 6 months on Monday (11/10) and just mastered sitting up on his own a couple of weeks ago. Last night in the bathtub during bath time, he decided he was going to pull himself up to standing...

Here's the play by play....His bath was done and he was just in the water kicking and splashing in his infant tub when all of a sudden he throws his body towards the other end of the tub into sort of a crouching position. His hiney was high-centered on the hump between the newborn and toddler sides of the tub and his arms were going a 100 mph trying to get hold of the lip of the tub so he could hold himself in the crouching position. It took a few tries to master this, but once he did, he could hold himself in a sort of "so this is how Mom uses the bathroom in the woods" position. Then he set about trying to figure out how to stand up. He worked and worked at that for a while and then set back on the newborn side of the tub huffing and puffing. After a short rest, he threw himself towards the far end of the tub again and caught his crouching balance on the first try. He pushed and pulled with his arms until he started to rise up off of his feet a bit. I slipped a hand on his hiney as I didn't want him to topple over backwards and he used that bit of balance to his advantage. He just popped right up and then decided to go "no hands" on me. He stood there for a second, not holding onto anything, with a big smile on his face and his goofy "I'm so proud of me" squeal ringing in my ears and then he started to wobble. So I helped him steady himself and then helped him sit back down to try it all again. Sure enough he managed to do this a few more times without my assistance but would still hold onto the tub. I think he sensed I was helping him balance the first time and that it was okay to let go of the tub. As long as my hands weren't touching him, he held fast to the edge of the tub in a sort of bent over the edge but standing on my feet position. When I first realized what he was trying to do, I called Jeremy up so we could watch our little creation together. Needless to say, it was a happy happy day in the Lilje house celebrating with Harrison on his big accomplishment for the day.

Oh, but the fun didn't stop there. After the bath it was time for bed and we almost always read to him before bed. Some time back he figured out how to turn pages so last night as I was holding and feeding him, Jeremy was reading to him in such a way that Harrison could see the pages. He kept reaching out to try to turn the pages so we shifted around so he was sitting up with his back against my chest and Jeremy held the book against his chest just in front of Harrison so he could reach the book and eat at the same time. I took over the reading part as it's difficult to read upside down and as I paused for the page to be turned, he'd stop eating, sit forward a bit, turn the page that Jeremy showed him and then sit back to resume eating while I read the next page. We continued in this fashion until the end of the book. It was so sweet to see him learning and wanting to participate in this way. I'm just amazed at how much babies are capable of learning.

As a side note, when he wants to be picked up he now knows the international symbol for that (outstretched arms). He totally worked Jeremy over today when he took him to daycare. Jeremy put him in the activity station, that he usually LOVES, and as soon as he did, he held up his arms to Jeremy as if to say, "Daddy, don't go…hold me." It was so sweet!

Well, that's the update from here!

Pictures - Harrison 5 Months Old

I realize I am a complete slacker when it comes to keeping everyone updated on Harrison's happenings...to help make amends, I'm posting pics of the little one today taken over the last 3-4 weeks.

Last night we were up with him around 3am as he just can't shake his middle of the night feeding. Poor kid was running a fever of 101. Jeremy called me in to ask me if he felt warm and I was amazed at how hot his little body felt. He laid on Jeremy's lap just babbling as all babies do and in his funny way, Jeremy interjected humor into the situation and said "oh my, he's delirious...he's not making any sense..." It just struck me as funny in the midst of my sweet baby's first real fever. Harrison didn't seem to mind running a fever so I'm hoping it's just teeth. We'll find out later when the doctor sees him. Thankfully after a dose of Tylenol he was back to normal by 7am...

Well I hope all is well where you are today! Happy Friday!

Harrison's Recent Accomplishments

• I'm just like any other mom I guess...I gush about my baby's accomplishments. So, in that spirit, here's the list of recent accomplishments for the little one (over the last 7-10 days):

1. He can sit up all by himself for a looooong time w/o falling over.

2. He has figured out how to turn pages in a book…pretty funny story around that one (at least I think it's funny). It was like a light bulb just went off when Jeremy was reading to him one night and he bolted upright and grabbed the book from Jeremy. We were like "what the heck" and then he started turning pages and laughing…he was pretty proud of himself for that one.

3. He can walk in a much more coordinated manner with Jeremy holding onto his hands now. He seems to sense that this is a big deal and just beams when he does this.

4. He's up on all 4's and doing the rocking motion..he's getting really close to crawling. He also knows how to let you know he wants down…he does this a LOT more now since he can sit on his own.

5. He has taken a keen interest in our food. Jeremy put a plate of grapes just out of his reach yesterday and Harrison was trying everything he could do to get to the grapes. So, Jeremy rolled one grape towards him and he batted it around. When he got the hang of catching them in his hand he just laughed and laughed. He also grabs at anything we are putting in our mouth…he swiped the straw out of my glass the other day...

6. Air Harrison…he jumps so high in his jumper he gets 4-5 inches of air under his feet. He grins from ear to ear and squeals when doing it too.

7. He's had green peas and carrots and didn't really care for either one of them..but who likes them cooked and pureed w/o salt and pepper to jazz them up a bit…ugh. Sweet potatoes are next. He still hates rice cereal. In a month or so he'll get to move on to oatmeal cereal.

8. Remember that OSU romper we bought when we were home this summer? It was SO big on him then…he's just about out grown it now…crazy! He's in 6-12 month sleepers (and has been since 4.5 months) b/c he's so long the 3-6 month ones just don't fit him length wise. All the pants we've bought him recently were 6-12 month pants too for that very same reason.

In my view all of this is pretty impressive considering the little guy is only 5.5 months old. =-D

I Have a Starbucks Baby

Baby, oh baby....does my family love Starbucks. Apparently that applies to my 4 month old too. Today he and I stopped in for a quick mocha as I was feeling a bit sluggish. When the barista delivered it and I went to reach for it, so did little Harrison. I laughed and set it back down. We both reached for it again. This time I tried to take a drink as I held him in my left arm on my hip...he thought HE should have a drink and tried to pull my hand holding the cup towards him. I just laughed and tried again. It took 6 tries before I finally got a drink because he pulled so hard I was afraid I'd accidentally spill it. What a funny baby! I told him he'd have to wait a couple of years before he could have a Starbucks hot cocoa. Maybe it has something to do with those decaf mochas I had when I was pregnant....hmmmmmm.

PS - I apologize for dropping off of the face of the earth, being a stepmom to two very active middle school aged kids, wife to a very active hubby, and mom to a busy baby has left me with NO time to do this sort of stuff... I hope to do better in the future.

26 weeks...well 27 really

The last 3 weeks have brought marked change with my little bundle of joy. He went from cute little pokes and flutters to full body slams on my bladder. Sometimes his movements are strong enough to make me feel like he's moving all of me. My stomach has grown noticeably too ,and I now have a nearly completely flat belly button. The sweetest thing though is the hiccups. J and I were listening to his heartbeat at bedtime with the Doppler. Now that his movements are stronger, we can hear his movements in addition to his heartbeat. Some days he sounds like the movements in a ninja movie. A couple of days ago we felt his hiccups for the first time from the outside. He wedged himself into a ball on the right side of me and had pretty big hiccups. Not only could we feel them, but we could hear them over his heartbeat. I know I've read articles stating that hiccups don't really bother the baby but these were BIG hiccups. I think they would have bothered me if I had them. =-D


Other cute things he's doing….he seems to be moving position a lot and some days it feels like he thinks my uterus goes all the way around me like a tunnel. He'll scoot all the way to the far right or left side and try to keep going…like he's trying to escape or explore new territory. The other morning I was laying in bed on my side and I felt a huge movement. I instantly got this mental image of a frog trying to jump out of my stomach. On morning he was all curled up in the middle of me and I thought I could feel his head, back and bum. I had this sweet image of a baby sleeping on his stomach with his legs pulled up underneath him.


I have to say that being pregnant is the most incredible thing I have experienced. I am so thankful for this miracle God has blessed us with. I try to relish every day because I know it will be over all too soon. I think J is ready for the baby to be born because that's when he really gets to interact with him, but we find fun ways to interact with him now. I swear the only person he will kick on demand for is J. Little stinker...



Here's a comparison of my 24 week and 27 week belly shots....

Stay tuned...we get new ultrasound pics on Wednesday!

My Sweet Hubby!

The 22nd was my b-day and J always finds a way to make it special. This year he was a stinker....he acted like he forgot my birthday all morning and at lunch he pulled out the sweetest card and inside it were two tickets to a dinner train we've been wanting to go on since we started dating (almost 6 years ago!!!).

I love my husband. He's a wonderful man who makes me feel like one special gal.

24 Weeks

Time is just flying by with this pregnancy! I'm enjoying EVERY minute of it and know I'll miss not being pregnant after it's over. Harrison is SO much stronger now with his kicks and wiggles. Jeremy and the kids have been able to feel him from the outside and I just LOVE it. I love how connected we all seem to be to this little life inside of me. Jeremy reads to him every night before bed and the kids do too on the nights they are at our house. On the nights they aren't with us, we recorded them reading to him and replay it so he can hear their voice.
We have a countdown on our backsplash in the kitchen (chalkboard paint) so we all know how many weeks until he arrives and each week I grow more excited about being able to hold this sweet baby in my arms but also a little bit sad because I don't want the pregnancy to be over too soon.

Here are a few things that have amused me lately:

1. It takes approximately 3 tries to pick something off of the floor while sitting in a chair. I'm still working on what to do with the belly when trying to bend over.

2. I've become adept at holding onto the headboard of the bed for leverage so I can get myself out of bed in the middle of the night to run to the bathroom without having to wake Jeremy for a shove.

3. Emma was pretty amazed I could put my foot up on the countertop to tie my shoe this morning. It's easier than trying to bend over...HA!

4. Harrison seems to be on a schedule with his movement. He generally wiggles around while I'm in the shower in the morning and then settles down once I get to work. The party starts again after lunch and is followed by an afternoon nap. He gets really active in the evening after I get home. I think he misses his dad all day and is happy to hear his voice! He generally is sleepy by the time we go to bed and just gives us a few little kicks while everyone is reading to him. We made the mistake of waking him last night so Jeremy could feel him and it took him a while to settle down. He was really moving around in there. I felt him kicking deep in my hip and that was really odd b/c normally he kicks right in the center of my body about 4 inches below my quickly disappearing belly button.

5. According to Jeremy and the kids, it's my DUTY to eat a doughnut for Harrison because HE wants one. We had Krispy Kreme doughnuts Sunday morning for breakfast and although I had already eaten oatmeal and a bunch of fruit, I was persuaded to eat a doughnut because I would be depriving Harrison if I didn't.

6. I can definitely feel where he is most of the time. There is generally a bump where his head or hiney is. Jeremy felt this last night and thought it was pretty cool.

7. Not for the faint of heart...a belly shot from this weekend (24 weeks)

Well, that's it for my observations the past couple of weeks...

21 Weeks

Well, I'm 21 weeks pregnant and can feel little Harrison moving all over the place. Jeremy and Sebby were able to feel him move for the first time this week but he wouldn't cooperate for Emma...little stinker. Emma, Seb, and Jeremy have been reading a neat book to him each night before bed. Studies show that babies actually remember things they hear over and over in utero after they are born so we are reading a special book written just for babies (meant to be read to them before they are born). It's really sweet and touching that everyone is so happy about the baby. We're headed out of town for the weekend after Em's first ever indoor soccer game tomorrow. It should be a great time!


We went to a minor league soccer game tonight with the kids and we all had a great time. Emma is really into soccer and so we got her the tickets for Christmas. We were on the 3rd row from the field and had a great view of the action. I almost got hit with a soccer ball...it was GREAT! Harrison started playing soccer on my bladder though, that that was NOT so great.

It has FLEAS in it Aunt Nikki!!!

We had my nieces (SIL's kiddos) with us for the weekend so we had a houseful with four kids ranging in age from 7 to 11. It's always a lot of fun as the youngest has an incredibly vivid imagination. You just never know what she'll say.

Well, we were sitting at our favorite neighborhood burger place and she didn't fail to entertain us. This place has yummy burgers and always serves their own version of coleslaw with every meal. It has little poppy seeds in it and is really yummy. I asked my niece if she was going to eat her coleslaw and she looked at it and then looked at me with this priceless expression on her face. Without missing a beat she blurts out "It has FLEAS in it Aunt Nikki. I'm not going to eat that. YUCK!" It was so funny that DH and I laughed until we hurt.

It never occurred to me that poppy seeds might look like fleas, but when you study them in food, they really do. She just has the BEST imagination and I love it!

Thinking Back

Today I was thinking about the Thanksgiving meal we will share with my husband's family tomorrow and I was suddenly sad about the day. I had one small memory creep in from last Thanksgiving and it has sort of cast a bit of gray over an otherwise happy, wonderful day.

Last Thanksgiving I was pregnant for the very first time with a very wanted child and my in-laws fussed and fussed over me. The specific memory that popped into my mind this morning was of me having sparkling grape juice with the kids last year instead of the traditional glass of white wine my mother-in-law always serves with the meal. I just had a brief flash of "oh hey, I'll get to have a glass of wine with everyone this time."

It just makes me a little sad remembering how happy and full of hope I was last year and how far from that dream I feel today. I really don't want to spend this Thanksgiving and Christmas thinking about what I'm missing and what I was experiencing this time last year but I'm not sure how to push those thoughts from my head.

I'm so thankful that I have my health and a wonderful family to share this time with....I should try to hold on to that.

Pretty Boy Seb

I have to tell a funny story about my stepson....

11 year old Seb has gone from "I don't care if I have a poop stain on my shirt w/ extreme bed head" to "Pretty Boy" as J is now calling him. The transformation has been incredible. In the past 30 days he's literally gone from complaining about having to comb his hair to showering at night before bed and AGAIN the next morning so he "smells fresh and has shiny hair" for school. He checks himself out in EVERY reflective surface there is to see what he looks like. I caught him leaning over the glass dining table to check out his image as we ate dinner and wondered why he was moving my side view mirror on the passenger side in toward the car...DUH!...so he should check himself out! Hubby and I just belly laugh about it b/c it's such a change for him...almost overnight. Seb put on a hat so we could walk to dinner (it's getting pretty chilly up here in Michigan) and as we were walking out the door he said, "Oh, I have to go to the bathroom." J and I exchanged glances and I was like "Yeah right..." Sure enough, After about 10 seconds in the bathroom, he came out and said "False alarm." I said, "Oh, you were just in there making sure the hat didn't wreck your hair..." He just grinned and said "Yup...can't go out not looking cool..." Crazy kid.

At least he doesn't spend 2 hours in the bathroom primping....I'm sure his sister will fill that gap in a couple of years. =-D

Sunshine Junkie

I have an odd relationship with the Fall season. I love it one minute and hate it the next. I am a Summer person and so while Fall is beautiful and full of all sorts of fun things (namely college football and changing colors) it's also the one thing separating me from Winter, which I desperately HATE in Michigan.

I grew up in Oklahoma and love love love the mild Winters there. Most people say "Oh, you don't like the snow?" and that's not it. The snow doesn't bother me....heck the cold doesn't even bother me that much so long as I'm bundled up. It's really the unending gray that is the Michigan Winter that gets to me. Normally I have my Christmas trip home to look forward to but this year I'm going in early November to attend my brother's wedding. Sigh....whatever shall I do to get my sunshine fix.

T-storm Part 2

I forgot about this story but reading Josephine's comment to my original Thunderstorm post reminded me of it...

When I was an auditor and travelled the country for work, I encountered a lot of people, interesting people, dull people, all kinds of people. As I'm from Oklahoma, I have encountered a number of misperceptions about my home state and what people believe to be the truth about Oklahoma.

I had the pleasure of experiencing Hurricane Floyd a few years back in North Carolina. Having never been in a hurricane, I wasn't sure what to expect but was pretty sure they could spawn tornadoes in some instances. I asked the clerk at the hotel I was holed up in what kind of warning we could expect if there was a tornado spotted and how precise would the warning be. She said they blow alarms by the county. I thought...geez, you scare and entire COUNTY if there is a tornado? I asked her about it and explained that where I'm from they are more precise at warning the public and can even show you the intersection the tornado is headed towards and approximate time it will be here...Like, It will be near the corner of the NW Expressway and Council road at approximately 7:08 PM. If you are within 3 miles of this area, take shelter immediately. It's tracking to the NE at 35 mph and blah blah blah and people 5 miles away would just go on about their business. She asked where I was from and I told her Oklahoma. She said "Well, honey, no wonder you get that kind of warning. You don't have any tall buildings or trees so it's real easy for you to spot them coming." I just shook my head in disbelief and thanked her for the information. Back in my hotel room, I did a huge mental head smack, called my parents to let them know I was still alive and went on about my business. Needless to say, my parents were amused too.

I can assure you...we DO have tall buildings AND trees and the absence of them is NOT why they are so good at tracking storms....It's because the national severe weather center is in NORMAN OKLAHOMA.... Duh!! Doesn't everyone know that? Apparently, there is at least 1 person in North Carolina that thinks we all live in tents or something and it's still the dust bowl days.

Just thought I'd share....

I think I'm defective

Do you ever have a day when you feel defective and think there should be a recall issued to fix everything?

This is a whiny post so please forgive....here's a rundown of my week:

1. Since my last miscarriage (5/07), I still haven't started up my cycle so I'm now officially in triple digits for cycle days. That's just wrong on so many levels.
2. I haven't slept much at all since Sunday night. I just keep staring at the clock all night waiting for the sun to come up....(I suddenly started singing "Tomorrow" from Annie).
3. I was out having drinks with K on Wednesday night when I felt something funny on my leg, inside my pants. I reached down to scratch my knee and investigate when I got stung by the thing in my pants making my leg itch in the first place....a BEE!!! Now the darn spot is itching non-stop and making me nutty (or is it the lack of sleep or lack of a normal cycle...ha ha ha).
4. I woke up yesterday feeling like my toe was going to explode. Upon further investigation, I discovered I had the start of an ingrown toenail. I've never EVER had one of those...how did I get this one???
5. I'm sure there's more but I can't remember them right now...
   
   I'm just glad it's the weekend and I don't have to put on my happy work face until Monday. Hopefully by then all my defects will be fixed.

You call that a thunderstorm?

I grew up in the heart of tornado alley and know the difference between your garden variety thunderstorm and the really nasty ones that send you indoors to hide in a closet. Living in Michigan, I get a lot of entertainment watching people when a thunderstorm comes rolling in.

Last week there was a decent thunderstorm that rolled through but by no means was it a really really bad one. I was excited because it meant I would get to hear some thunder though nothing so ground shaking as what I'm used to hearing. Being a good step-mom, I turned on the TV to make sure we weren't in any danger and was amused to see that all 3 local stations had non-stop coverage of the "storm." We weren't even in a TORNADO warning....

The thing lasted for about 15 minutes and then was gone. No hail, no weird colored sky, no thunder that shook the ground, no real gust front, and only one minor rotation picked up on doppler that passed over our area which turned out to be nothing. I shook my head sadly knowing that all these Michiganders would likely never experience a real t-storm.

The entertainment value for me was that besides everyone running for cover and pulling matresses over themselves, the TV stations were putting all these people on the air via their cell phone with eye-witness accounts of the "storm." They pretty much all sounded the same:

Weatherman: So Joe, where are you calling from? Are you somewhere safe?
Joe: Well, I was standing in my backyard but we got scared and came inside. The storm is gone now but man was it scary.
Weatherman: Joe, can you tell us what you saw?
Joe: Well, there was some rain...it was kinda heavy for a few minutes and the wind picked up a bit, and there was some thunder and lightening.
Weatherman: Joe, it sounds like you got the worst of it. Thanks for calling in and be sure to stay safe. Now on to Paula in Southgate....

They didn't even break for advertising...all three channels just kept putting people on the air. Even when the storm was over lake Erie and out of the Detroit area, they STILL had people talking about it.

Heaven knows what these people would think if they got a real humdinger of a storm up here.

It's ANOTHER First!!!

I was convinced I was turning 35 in January. I was so sure of my age, I even managed to convince my mother of it. She kept saying, no, there's no way you'll be 35 in January...You can't be! Eventually I got her to see it my way.

Today is my parents' 38th wedding anniversary. For some reason I decided to do math today (I hate math) and worked out that 38 -34 (my "current" age) = 4. That's when it hit me. I know for a FACT that I was born after they had been married for 5 years....NOT 4. So I did more math....2007 - 1974 = 33. YAY!!! I'm NOT turning 35 next January. I'm only 33....not 34. Yahoo!!

I promptly sent my dear mom an "I'm an idiot" email and apologized for being wrong about my age.

Why do I care so much about NOT turning 35 in January? In the whole trying to conceive world, if you're 35 or older you're of "advanced maternal age" and according to modern medicine that means your eggs must magically mutate on your 35th birthday. Seeing as I'm still working on a baby, that gives me a whole extra year to get pregnant before I turn 35. I just got a year of my life back!

That's the first time in my life I've been wrong about my age. Generally I know exactly how old I am....how did I fast forward an entire year? Some would say it's because I'm getting older...maybe my brain mutated.

It's a Girl!

The doctor's office called today with news from my post miscarriage testing and they said (thankfully) that all the genetic testing came back fine. Our baby was a perfect baby and was a girl. In fact, both pregnancies were girls. I have to sit and wonder now what would these girls have looked like. Would they have brown eyes like their daddy or green eyes like me? Would they have dark curly hair like J with beautiful olive skin or would they be fair and blonde? I was dreading finding out the gender and even decided that I didn't want to know but at the last minute asked the nurse.

I'm glad I know but now I have a lot of other things to think about.

I have Angels in Heaven

Well, it's official....J and I miscarried our second pregnancy on 5/26. We were 12 weeks and 1 day when we found out that our latest creation had stopped growing at 10 weeks 5 days. We were able to see it on the ultrasound at our appointment that day and it looked so peaceful and sweet. The amazing thing is that our child looked like an unidentifiable blob at 8 weeks and like a real baby at 12 weeks. I'm thankful to have the memory of our sweet baby on the ultrasound in my mind, but my heart wonders when one of these babies will be ours to keep. I just hope they thought I was a good mom while they were here.

I keep telling myself that I'm blessed to have two angels in heaven that I'll get to see some day. I just hope I don't end up with three angels in heaven because two is hard enough.

Don't you hate it when...

Don't you hate it when you have a great idea for a post but by the time you sit down to write about it, you've COMPLETELY forgotten what it was? That has happened to me about a bunch lately....there are 3 or 4 different things I want to write about but "poof" the thought is gone...oh well.

That's a First!

For the first time in my life, I was happy my monthly cycle (known in the female world as Aunt Flo or AF for short) appeared. I actually celebrated it!!! (Sick I know!) It took almost 6 weeks for my body to reset itself after my December miscarriage and this means I'm now back on track! That was the longest 6 weeks of my life! Let the baby dancing begin...ha ha ha

What's the point?

I pay for a decent set of matching jewelry but keep leaving the earrings at home. Is there really a point to buy the stuff if I keep forgetting to wear it all?? I look so stupid w/ a nice necklace and obvious holes in my ears where I SHOULD have my earrings....d'oh!

Oh, the A G O N Y!!!!!

I figured it out...My dear hubby and I are suffering from Post-Jamaica-Vacation Disorder. Our symptoms consist of a general lack of energy and inability to get out of bed in the morning accompanied by feelings of blahness and the thought that there is just no hope.

The cause of this disorder is that we are suffering from withdrawals from the following: night time tree frog songs, gentle ocean breezes, the sound of the ocean gently lapping at the sand, the warm "no worries mon" lifestyle of the Jamaicans, and well, just everything that has to do with the Caribbean!!! The worst part is that we don't have a trip booked to go back any time soon. We were okay when we got back from our honeymoon to Couples Swept Away in Jamaica last September because we knew that we were going back in a few short months with the kids for Christmas. In fact, we don't even have the PROSPECT of going back to the warm tropical Caribbean anytime soon....

What will pull us out of this????

I have to P

I have to pee soooooooooooo bad but don't want to go right now because I'll be leaving work shortly. It's a long walk to the bathroom, and franky, I'm downright SICK of going to the bathroom. I swear I spend 1/2 my day in there. I suppose all the water I drink has something to do with that! =-)

AHHHHHHHHHH! They wrecked it!!!!

I LOVE Christmas music. I even like (sometimes tolerate) the bad remakes of old classics by the likes of Brittany Spears (did I spell her name right?)....but they've gone TOOOOOOOOOOO far this time!

One of my all time favorites is "Baby It's Cold Outside." It was sort of popularized for a new generation in the movie ELF and they did the song justice. I forget which version I have that I absolutely love (I think it's got Ella Fitzgerald in it but I'm not sure), but the point is that there are many many versions of this song. I thought I had heard most of them until now...

As I'm sitting at my desk listening an All Christmas All the Time radio station, the first familiar bars of my beloved song came on and I thought "Yes! I've been wanting to hear this song." I noticed that it wasn't a version I was familiar with and so I tried to be open minded. That lasted for about 15 seconds. The male vocalist was definitely Rod Stewart and he did an okay job singing his part. The female vocalist sounded a LOT like Dolly Parton and she sounded okay during her part. The problem made itself evident when they sang together ....AHAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Seriously...could they have put two more different vocal styles together in a classic song? The worst was that they sort of slowed it down and changed the syncopation of it and the music didn't really match either one of their vocal styles.

The bottom line....I'm counting the minutes until I can go home and listen to a good version of that song.

Some things just should NOT be messed with!!! GRRRRRRR!

Merry Christmas!

Trash Lady

I was standing in the driveway not too far from my trash can talking on my cell phone when a lady wearing a set of headphones riding an adult sized tricycle drove down my street. She started looking through everyone's trash. I thought that it was odd but figured she'd stop once she saw me standing there seeing as there is clearly a "no trespassing" sign at the end of our private drive. She looked up, seemed a bit startled and kept looking through my neighbors bagged garbage. I thought surely she'll skip mine seeing as it is sitting right next to my open garage door and I'm standing a few feet from it. She didn't. She started taking stuff out of our can and digging through things. I was a bit put off and couldn't decide whether or not to say something too her given that it's only trash when she started to tear open one of my bags. That was it. I excused myself from the person I was talking to on the phone (my husband) and said "Excuse me m'am." She didn't hear me. I said it again as loud as I could without actually yelling at her. Still nothing. I walked over to her and basically stuck my face in her way and she looked up, annoyed. She pulled the headphone off of one ear and said "I'm looking for bottles"..right lady, and I'm Santa Claus. I assured her there were no bottles in our garbage as we recycle them and advised her that I don't want her digging through my garbage. She acted as though I was totally bothering her and gave me a "how dare you stop me from digging through your trash" look and put her headphone back over her ear. I figured that was the end of it and that she'd leave our private drive. She didn't. She kept going through everyone else's trash and would occasionally look back at me.

Okay, maybe I'm a bit paranoid but I think most people wouldn't want someone digging through their trash, ripping open their trash bags. Maybe she WAS only looking for bottles and cans to collect the $0.10 refund but then again, maybe she was looking for credit card offers and those little checks your credit card company sends you occasionally. Seeing as we don't shred our trash very thoroughly (tearing in 1/2 or even 1/4ths doesn't really count as shredding), I was a bit nervous to have a normally dressed woman with a nice set of headphones riding what appeared to be a new adult tricycle digging through MY trash. She didn't appear to be homeless so I'm not sure I believed the I'm looking for bottles bit. I thought about calling the police seeing as she WAS trespassing but figured the police would lecture me for wasting their time on a sweet little old (maybe 45 you.) lady looking for bottles and cans. Needless to say, we bought a shredder last night and our garbage will be identity theft proof in the future.

Now I want to wait for the next garbage day to see if she visits our little private drive again. Maybe she would skip my trash the next time.

Catching Up

Okay...to address the "To wax or not to wax" blurb:

Just went for the b-wax. It was a bit painful but she assured me that it wouldn't be nearly as bad on follow up visits. The pain was momentary and then subsided fairly quickly. 10 minutes after it was done I was back to normal. She did say I need to come back in 4 weeks to get all the others that have grown in (something about hair has 3 growth cycles) and after the 4 week one I can come back every 7- 8. That sounds like heaven!!! They told me to buy a particular product and to put it on after I get out of the shower for the first week or so to ensure I don't get any ingrown hairs. Other than that, I'm good to go…smooth as a baby's behind…ha ha ha. She was very professional and I was very at ease. She used a hard wax and didn't require strips. She said it's designed to only take the hair (apparently you can occasionally get a bit of skin with the soft wax and strips) and isn't as painful as the soft stuff. I'm all for keeping my skin right where it is so I would check around and ask what kind of wax they use. This was a (what I would call) high end spa I went to but their waxing was only $65 which was $10 - $20 cheaper than the other just salons around town. I'll let you know how the next week goes. All in all, I would recommend it.

Update on my Decadence post: I went for another visit at my salon and guess what...it was wine day again!! Yay! I later found out that wine is served every Wednesday after 4pm at the salon. Guess what day of the week I'm going to make my appointment for? =-D

To Wax or Not to Wax

J and I are going to Jamaica in September for a very belated honeymoon (Couples Swept Away) and I've been agonizing (yes, it's still many months away but I'm a planner) over what to do with the whole bikini area. To shave and get razor burn (never mind the salt water factor) or go for the wax. I posted on the resort's message board and everyone OVERWHELMINGLY recommended waxing over shaving and said that since I've never had it done before, I should schedule one ASAP as I should probably get at least 2 in before I get the one done for the trip. Apparently you can have a bad reaction to the wax and getting it done for the first time right before vacation would not be advisable. So….I have an appointment next Thursday to get all the hair down there…well most of it anyways (Brazilian) ripped off. I'm a little concerned that I've lost my mind but everyone on the message board says once you wax, you'll never go back to shaving and that over time it gets thinner, softer, and grows back more slowly so that in time, I could go 2 months between waxes. It sounds wonderful but quite painful.

What do you think? Am I crazy or is this just a grown up woman thing I have yet to experience?

Things that make you go hummmmm

I was at an all employee meeting in our headquarters building recently and after it was over, I, like lots of other people, headed to the restroom. I've been in this bathroom plenty of times and have never (in 8 years) noticed this so I'm guessing it's a new thing.

I was sitting there taking care of business when an icon on the lock for the stall door caught my attention. There was an engraving of a person sitting (on a toilet presumably) behind a stall door with (what appears to be) their pants around their ankles. As it dawned on me what I was looking at, I cracked up. I noticed the name on printed just under the graphic was "Hiney Hider." That's rather appropriate I suppose.

I was sort of dumbstruck. It just seemed a tad out of place for a bathroom in the world headquarters of a major global company. I did notice a few of these locks in bathrooms in my own building just next door. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I always check the lock to see if it's a Hiney Hider lock or just a regular old boring lock. I personally prefer the Hiney Hider...it's more entertaining to look at.

I don't like labels

It was an odd thing...I went to get the mail and in there was an invitation to a cancer survivor's seminar. I thought, oh, this must be some fundraiser and some how I got on their mailing list. I looked further and figured out that it WASN'T a fundraiser but a seminar to celebrate cancer survivors. I thought to myself that it was odd that I would get such a mailing but then I thought about it and I guess technically, I AM a cancer survivor. I just don't see myself with that label. I guess for as long as I live, I'll be a survivor. It just feels odd to be labeled as such. I'm really not big on labels.

Decadence

Today I felt like Princess Diana.

I recently changed salons and that was like pulling teeth….mine! I have had the same gal do my hair since I moved to Michigan 8 years ago and she’s really good at it. Three years ago she moved to a salon a good 40 minutes from where I live and work so going out there just wasn’t all that practical. As she grew her client base, she became very adept at juggling more than one client at a time so inevitably I would be one of 3 people she was working on at the same time. I said it was worth the 3 hours I spent there because she was really good at what she does….after all, my hair is the only thing I really splurge on.

My husband pointed out to me one day that I drive about an hour and a ½ round trip to see her, spend a good chunk of money, have to book her 5 – 6 weeks in advance, and have spent up to 3 hours sitting through the process. He said that there are good salons near our house and I should check them out. His rationale was that with as much as I spend on my hair, I should find someone who could do just as good of a job nearer to the house. He pointed out a few salons near our house and I checked them out. Sure enough, he was right. There was an Aveda Concept salon 3 blocks from our house. Me being skeptical that ANYONE could do as good of a job as L, I scheduled a consultation appointment. I went in with some pictures and talked to the gal they said would do the best job (just so happens her rates are the highest in the place). They were right and I was impressed. The rest is history until today.

I decided I was going back to my golden blonde today because spring is here and I was feeling old and washed out. I never imagined that when I set foot in the salon that I would leave feeling like the Queen of England. I was in the chair getting my hair colored and she said, how about some wine and cheese while I cut your hair. Playing along, I said sure, why not…meanwhile thinking, the only people who would get wine and cheese at a salon would be those people out in Napa in California.

After she washed out my color and gave me a fabulous hand massage, she asked if I wanted white or red. I thought, “WOW!!! It’s 4pm in the afternoon, I’m getting my hair done and I’m going to relax with a glass of wine!!! OH MY GOSH!!!” and so I chose a nice glass of white wine. Sure enough, she appeared with a glass of wine and I just about flipped! I couldn’t believe that little ole me was relaxing with a glass of wine while getting my hair cut by my new stylist who is absolutely wonderful.

Then it hit me…I felt like a shmuck…I had been driving for an hour and a ½ to get my hair done and suffer through everything for 3 YEARS!!! UGH!!! I’m so grateful my husband finally showed me the light. And yes, he was right, there are plenty of talented stylists who can work the same miracle L did.

As I was leaving the salon feeling giddy with my new summer color and a bit tipsy from the wine, it dawned on me that I had arrived. I felt like I was Queen of all that I surveyed. I imagine every other woman in there felt that way too because they were all enjoying a glass of wine as well. I wonder if they’ll have wine the next time I go. It’s probably a good strategy to get their patrons loaded because you are feeling pretty generous when you’re paying the bill. =-D

Anyway, I thought it was decadent and fun. It may never happen again (I didn’t get wine on my first visit to the salon) so I have soaked in the feeling and will think back on it fondly. It was the BEST salon visit EVER and I only had to walk 3 blocks from my house to get it.

Life in a Snow Globe

Today I was at work and looked outside….what did I see? I saw what life must be like in a snow globe. The snow was falling at just the perfect rate that made it look snow globe-ish. It was really beautiful and peaceful….then I remembered I was at work.

Other thoughts:

Friday night, my husband and I stayed up all night to make cute fleece boa scarves for my step daughter's hockey team. They have cute little dress uniforms that are complete with monogrammed coats and hats but they didn't have a scarf for their ensemble. We decided that would be the perfect Christmas present from E to her team so we got busy. We finished up around 5 AM and rolled into bed only to get up 3 hours later to head to her game. The scarves were a hit. The girls (and their parents) just loved them. I was beaming because I was so happy they liked them. It was in the midst of my modest beaming that one of the mom's approached me and said "I have a whole new image of you….you have domestic skills." I was a bit stunned. I wasn't sure what to make of the comment. Was it a compliment or not? I just smiled and said that I like to do this sort of thing and that baking is my specialty. (I'm known as the "cupcake lady" at school.) She made another comment about my image changing in her eyes and walked off. I was left wondering what kind of image she had of me before the really easy fleece scarves. I normally come to E's games from work and I wear nice business clothes (suits and such) to work. My friends said she must have thought I was a 'trophy wife' without skills. Well, let me tell you…..honey, I've got skills! I guess I'll have to do more of that sort of domestic stuff just to prove I'm a normal mom and not a trophy.

You know you're a real live adult when you start getting Christmas cards in the mail. It's funny. I sort of thought I was an adult back when I was living on my own and paying my own bills a decade ago, but apparently that rite of passage is only bestowed upon you when you make the CC mailing list. Well, I just discovered the secret to getting on the CC list. You have to get married!!! I was nobody until I got married….ha ha ha. I got a few cards from friends at work but nothing like the onslaught I've gotten this year. It's funny. I'm finally somebody! Actually, I'm not somebody anymore, now I'm J's wife, and E's and S's step mom and maybe one day I'll be a real mom, but it's pretty obvious to me that I'm no longer just me. I'm known by those people I belong to. =-D I love belonging!!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Memories

After seeing this picture on my sister's blog, I decided, I'd tell the story behind it.

I went home for my mom's surgery in October and Mac (my 29 YO brother), Cat (my 16 YO sister), and I went to the haunted warehouse in downtown OKC. The pic was taken while we were in line. Catherine and I are old hats at the warehouse as we went last year and almost had the pee scared out of us. Well, this year was no less scary. Mac got spooked a couple of times and I mean genuinely spooked. We cracked up!! The poor guy was a human shield. He walked in front of us and Cat and I had our inside arms locked together while holding a belt loop of his with our outside hands. He got whipped around like a rag doll. Whatever direction the goblin was coming from was the direction we pulled my brother so he would protect us. We laughed so hard when it was over. It was one of the best memories I have of the three of us together.

A funny thing happened last night

Last night I was out with some friends from work to celebrate a couple of birthdays. My hubby and I were facing a large window that overlooked the entrance to Chelli's (a sports bar across the street from our house) when all of a sudden, he says "There goes Bill Ford." Everyone at the table whipped around to look out the window and we watched as this guy, who sort of resembled Mr. Ford got his keys from the valet and got into what we believed to be a new Ford Fusion. We weren't 100% sure that it really was Bill Ford as we only saw the back of him but we really wanted to know. I jumped up from the table and ran out to the valet and asked, "Was that Bill Ford?" and the valet replied (very casually) "Yes, that was Bill Ford." So I bolted back to the table and confirmed for everyone that it was Bill Ford. We were a bit unsure as to whether or not he got into a Fusion so I went to the window and watched as he pulled out of the parking lot. Sure enough, it WAS a Fusion. Wow....the president of the company we work for could be driving a Range Rover or a sweet GT but he wasn't. He was driving a Fusion. How great is that?

I asked our waitress if she knew where Bill Ford was sitting and apparently, she heard me say "Bilferd." She looked a bit puzzled and said, "bilferd, bilferd...I don't know a bilferd." This got a good laugh out of everyone at the table because I'm from Oklahoma and have a bit of an accent at times. Apparently, "Bill Ford" came out in one syllable. Oops. After I stopped laughing, I said, "Bill Ford" and the waitress said, "Oh, Bill Ford....no, I didn't know he was here. If you see him, please tell me." We explained that he had just left and continued to chuckle and the "bilferd" thing.

Well, I was reflecting on this as I was driving to work this morning. I took Michigan Ave. to work and passed in front of Ford's World Headquarters. I looked up at the big blue oval and wondered if Bill Ford ever wishes he was born to someone else. It's got to be a pretty heavy burden to be a Ford at times. I wonder if he ever wants to be John Ames from Iowa rather than Bill Ford from Michigan. It's sort of like being born royalty. There must be certain expectations of Ford family members that other people, people like me, don't have to deal with on a daily basis. I am free to live my life anyway I want too. I can work where I want and do what I want. I wonder if Bill Ford can do that? I believe the answer is no and you know, that makes me a bit sad for him. Freedom is a grand thing.

Just a Few Thoughts

1. I was in Oklahoma City recently to be with my mom before a surgery. We were sitting in the waiting room after they took my mom back and we kept hearing about 15 seconds of a lullaby. It would play randomly every few minutes. Sometimes we wouldn't hear it for a half an hour. My dad and I were trying to figure out what it meant and it suddenly dawned on me, I bet that means a baby was born in the hospital. I walked to the volunteer desk and asked the nice grandmotherly lady what the lullaby meant. She confirmed my thought....It DID mean a baby was born. Needless to say, Friday morning was a busy morning for baby doctors. Saturday and Sunday weren't so busy.

2. I got my first set of post cancer surgery test results back and I'm happy to say that I've remained cancer free for the past 6 months. I'll have another test in 6 months. As long as I stay cancer free, I'll just have the follow up tests every 6 months or so until I've hit the 5 year mark. YAY!!!

3. I was out to lunch with my sweetie on Sunday and I noticed a lady sitting at a nearby table with two other couples. Based on her age, I'm guessing she was the elderly mother and that two of the four people at the table were her kids. The two married couples chatted back and forth and the lady just sat there staring off into space. She appeared to be with it because she would pipe into the conversation every now and again. I couldn't help but wonder what her story was. I imagine her husband has passed or was in a nursing home. She just had a sad sort of quietness to her and wondered if that would be me one day.

4. I would not want to go back and relive my teenage years. Not for anything! My sister just turned 16 and she is a torrent of emotions. On a day where she should be so excited and happy, she wasn't. She was sad and crying. She couldn't tell me why she was crying. I remember being like that and I'm happy to say that I only cry when something/someone hurts me bad enough to make me cry. Occasionally I'll shed a tear at a really sweet movie, but other than that, I'm not on the emotional (hormone drive) rollercoaster of my teen years.

Well, that's all I can think of. Enjoy my musings....

Custodial Mom: MY RANT!!!!

Okay, I'm just going to go off. I can't take it. For those of you who know me, you know that I despise the mother of my step children in many ways. She is selfish beyond belief and does things to her own children that I would never dream of doing and I'm just the step mom.

E (8 year old girl) and S (9 year old boy) have been complaining of headaches recently. S has been complaining about them for a while now. We took him to the doctor and the doctor advised us to keep a log of when he gets headaches, etc. We passed this info on to their mom almost a year ago and to our knowledge she hasn't recorded one headache. The doctor said that she needed this info to make a diagnosis. E started complaining about headaches with the advent of the new school year. Her headaches appear to be eye strain. We did an impromptu test and she can't see distance as well as her brother. Most likely, E's headaches will be addressed with vision correction and I'm guessing S's would be too. We only have the kids Thursday evening, Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday every other weekend. We have tried to get their mom to make an eye appointment for them. At first she said she would, then she said, because of her new baby (a one year old), she doesn't have time to take them and that we would need to do it. (HELLO!!! Does anyone else see the craziness of this???? I bet she's not too busy to take her new baby to the doctor!!!) Fine, no problem. We made an appointment as soon as we could get them in for our eye doctor but it won't be for a week or so. E calls us from her mom's house yesterday crying because her head hurts so bad and asked if we would take her to the doctor. We told her that we can make the appointment sooner but that it meant her mom would have to take her because it's not our day per the custody arrangement. E passed this info on to her mom and she said she was too busy to take her. We called the doctor's office anyway and begged for an appointment sooner. We'll be taking her to get her eyes checked tomorrow seeing as her mom is just too darn busy to tend to the needs of her kids.

Way to come through for your kids, custodial mom.

What I don't get is that the judge in his infinite wisdom decided this work of art called "mom" was more deserving to be the custodial parent of these two amazing kids than their dad. That means she is responsible for their well being most of the time. It makes me crazy that she ("custodial mom") shirked her responsibilities because she's too busy caring for her new baby. Maybe she should have thought about the consequences of setting a divorce in motion in order to remarry the baby's father. In the divorce, she was "awarded" my step-children.....she is to care for and look after them. We've asked if we could have the kids 1/2 time so that way we are more involved and can make sure they eat right, study hard, get to the doctor when needed, and get the kind of time and attention they deserve. Of course, you can predict the answer. It was a resounding (without a moments hesitation to consider the benefits to the kids) "NO!!!". I imagine the dollar signs of child support flashed in front of her eyes for a spilt second before she said it.

Okay, my rant is over.....for today.

Evil Step Mother…..I am not!!!

I was recently honored by my step daughter. She told me she wanted to go bra shopping. Normally, bra shopping for a teen isn't a big deal but for an 8 year old (third grader) going for her first training bra, it's a HUGE deal. We talked about it and decided we would go one weekend in the future as this conversation took place on a Sunday night and she was going back to her mother's house on Monday. She said she already had a bra at her mom's house but would like one at ours. I talked to her dad and he was supportive of it and said we'd go shopping the next time she asked.

This is where the evil step mother part comes in. I was really excited about the honor bestowed upon me by my step daughter and I told a few of my friends the next day. I didn't even get the whole story out of my mouth when the first two women I told clucked their tongues and told me I had no business taking her bra shopping and that I should leave that to her mother. I got the standard "you're just a step mother so don't forget your place…she isn't your child" routine. (I HATE that BS!!!). It was only after I was allowed to finish the story and pointed out that she already had a training bra at her mother's house and that we do all the clothes shopping for their wardrobe at our house that they both backed off and said oh, well then that would be okay for you to take her shopping. To me it was a big deal because my step daughter thinks enough of me to talk to me about these things when she is at our house. I wasn't excited because it was her first bra, I was excited because it was evidence of the trust that she places in our relationship.

Why is it that step mother's can't love their step children and try to do what's best for them without the rest of the world passing judgment on them and telling them they have no business doing anything other than being a shuttle service, a cook and a maid. I really resent that. When the kids and my husband proposed to me, there was nothing in there about oh, hey, do you want to live with us and cook and stuff? During the wedding ceremony when we all married each other (yes, the kids and I exchanged vows), there wasn't anything about…oh, by the way, you need to remember your place. They deserve all the love and devotion they can get from all four parents in their life (Mom, Dad, step mom, and step dad). Anything less than that would be selfish and not in the best interest of the kids who have already been devastated by the divorce. Why is it that only step parents understand this?

Why does the rest of the world think I'm "stepping on her mother's toes" because I take her bra shopping for bras at our house? I just don't get it. Later on in the conversation with the two clucking ladies, I learned that they both "assumed" their mother packed a bag of clothes for them to bring to our house and that we didn't have clothes for them. My blood pressure spiked on that one. These are people who have known me for 5 years and my husband for 3!!! What kind of people do they think we are that we would shirk our responsibilities on their mother and fail to provide a very basic necessity for them….clothes???!!!

I don't get it. If someone out there does, please explain it to me. Until someone does, I guess I'll continue to blindly step on my step kids' mother's toes by loving her children to the best of my ability. If that's a crime, shoot me.

Plaid Shirt = Farmer

I was at the doctor's office the other day and sat a few chairs down from a cute little old farmer. I assume he was a farmer because he had overalls on with a plaid flannel shirt underneath and a lot of dirt on his shoes. He was also wearing a John Deere ball cap. My 8 year old step-daughter says all people who wear plaid shirts are farmers so this guy must have been a farmer.

Anyways…he was probably about 75 or so and looked like a friendly guy. I noticed he was reading a magazine and was naturally curious to see what his choice of reading material was as the doctor's office is well furnished with a wide variety of magazines. I peeked out of the corner of my eye and noticed a fashion spread of the "do's and don'ts" variety (you know, where they put the black bars across people's faces and you wonder what they were thinking when they left the house that morning). I sort of did a double take and sure enough, that's really what I was seeing. His name was called by the nurse at the door (no, she didn't say "Farmer Jack") and he put the magazine down. I'll be darned if it wasn't Glamour Magazine. My mouth fell open slightly and it took me a second or two to regain my composure. I silently cracked up after that. Here was this cute little farmer reading a women's fashion magazine. It just goes to show you that you can't judge a book by its cover. I'm sure when he gets back to the farm, he'll be telling the Mrs. about the latest fashion trends to hit Paris. She'll be calling the doctor to make another appointment for him so she can find out what's going on in Milan. What a cute little couple.

Whistle While You Work....er, Sleep

Okay, this is a first. For the last two evenings, I have been able to whistle through my nose when I'm just sitting around relaxing in the evening. It's a really cool trick. There is one drawback though - it's really disturbing to hear yourself whistling while you're trying to fall asleep. Sinus problems suck! I'm happy to report that today I'm whistle free...hopefully tonight I won't be able to whistle Jingle Bells through my nose. =-D

Funny, Real Freaking Funny.....

I wrote this post about a month ago but kept forgetting to finish it...

Close call. Maybe. I'm not sure what to call it when my husband and I were thrown for a bit of a surprise (the male nurse probably thought it was a funny joke) last week at the emergency room. You see, I had to go in for a bladder infection that hit me fast and furious. So we get there around midnight and we get checked in. We're sent to triage so they can make sure I have a pulse and blood pressure. Then we were put in a room where a linebacker looking male nurse came in to talk to us. He gave me "the cup" and asked me if I knew how to use it. Of course, what woman with at least 2 UTI's in her lifetime doesn't know the procedure?

I wandered down the hallway to do my thing. On the way back to the room, I saw our male nurse and he took the sample from me. I went back into the room and sat on the bed praying for the pain to go away. About 10 minutes later, the nurse came in and asked me if we were expecting. I just stared at him and blinked a few times. I stuttered a few times and finally I was able to speak. "No, I don't think so."

You see, I couldn't 100% rule out the fact that I could be pregnant because I had been off of my pills for a month due to a snafu with the mail order service I use to get my pills through.

The nurse paused for dramatic effect (at least it seemed that way) as he looked at us. He said, "That's good, because you're not." He cracked up laughing and said to Jeremy, "Dude, you should have seen your face." I missed Jeremy's expression, but I'm sure it was priceless. In those few seconds I was wondering what we'd do if I really were pregnant because I'm not healed from my surgery yet and am not supposed to get pregnant. I was also thinking, oh my, we only got married 6 weeks ago and weren't planning this for another year or two. Yikes, what shall we do.

I was a bit relieved that I wasn't pregnant and at the same time a bit bummed because it would have been neat. All in God's perfect timing. I asked Jeremy if he was ready for kids yet and he said that the nurse's joke was a good test for him. He said he wasn't ready. Truth be told, neither am I.

Impact

I wrote this post on 7/26 but couldn't publish it because Jeremy hadn't told his family about this until a couple of weeks ago....

You never know how big of an impact something made on you until you face it again. Today I had to take my new husband (of 1 month and a day) to the hospital for a TEE (Transesophageal echocardiogram - means they stick a camera thingy down his throat to look at his heart). After my recent bout with cervical cancer, my sweetie decided he should go get a physical as he really hasn't had one since oh, say, high school or college. The doctor noticed a heart murmur and J said he has had a slight one since birth. No biggie. The doctor wanted to send him for more testing so we can keep an eye on the defect. So a week and a few days ago we went for an echocardiogram. The sonographer seemed a bit excited (not in a good way) and kept asking if he was ever short of breath. He isn't. The doctor said they would probably refer him for a more invasive test. They did. Today was the more invasive test. Poor guy....we got to the hospital around 9am. We went up to the cardiac floor and I instantly starting having blue thoughts about being there. (In April, I flew to my home town for my mom's triple bypass surgery and spent about a week in cardiac ICU with her and my sister and dad....fun fun.) As I was sitting there listening to the nurse tell him what to expect during the procedure, I started to tear up. I wasn't really sure why I was about to cry but I quickly got myself under control. I was asked to leave so they could start and I kissed J on the forehead. I seemed to be ultra aware of how soft and warm his skin was and how he smelled at that moment. I wandered down the hall to the waiting room like a little girl who lost her mom and thought she'd never find her again. I sat down and looked out the window and started to cry again. Every memory I had of standing next to my mom's bed as they were recovering her from her triple bypass surgery came flooding back. I could see her in the little video I have in my mind from that day. I could see the panic on her face when she thought I was going to leave her side to get my dad. I could see her expression of pain and bewilderment as she started to come out of the anesthetic. I could also remember how sad and helpless I felt the day they took her central line out and couldn't get an IV started. Three nurses poked her like a pin cushion over and over for the better part of three hours. This all started because she couldn't swallow pain medications and had been without meds for a few hours longer than she was supposed to be. It was crucial they get an IV started ASAP. She felt each stick of the needle into her already bruised and dehydrated skin in addition to the pain from the open heart surgery. I remembered standing next to her during this time, holding her hand as tears streamed silently down my face and my mother's too. I was wishing desperately and praying that they would find a vein that wouldn't blow. I remembered that finally the person came who could put in an arterial line so she could finally get some pain relief. I was so happy when she drifted off to sleep that night. All that emotion came flooding back when my beloved had to go in for this test today. It has intensified as a result of what the doctor found. I can't imagine how I'll ever cope with him having to go through a similar surgery. I guess I better get ready because at some point in his life, based on what the doctor said today, he will have to have his aortic valve replaced. Our next step is to go see a cardiologist. I guess I didn't realize the impact my mom's surgery had on me until today. In April, I was being the brave daughter and big sister. I blocked out a lot of what I was feeling until today. Today it all came flooding back. Man, it's really tough.

My sister and I at my wedding 

My wedding week - according to my sister

Here is a post my 15 year old sister put on her blog about my trip to my home town for my wedding. I live in Michigan and went to Oklahoma City for my wedding. We (my husband and his two children) were in OKC for about 12 days. Here is her synopsis of what we did:

Hey cuties!

What’s goin on w/ya’ll? Me, you ask? Well lemme tell ya what all has happened since I last updated! Lol!

Satureday the 25~ my big sister got married, most beautiful bride ever, we made the most gourgous wedding party that’s me and my niece and nephew! Lol! Then went to chelino’s and then to the redhawks game! Then sonic (emma and sebby are crazzzzy about sonic we had it just about everyday they were here! lol!

Sunday 26~ went to church, then went to eat and got hit on by a waitress for her son, that was funny, apparently im a well built 15 yr old, lol like I haven’t been told this before but not my some old lady hittin on my for her 17 yr old son that would like to meet me lol then we went home and packed and went to the lake!

Monday,Tuesday~ went to the lake, soo much fun! Soo many hot guys in canton! Lol! Cody and Cody too! Lol! And on Monday night I floated the river w/my family like some of my cousins and crap that was a blast lol me and my nephew got forced up into these trees that sucked and then we got all eatin up by mesquitos! Lol!

Wednesday~ went and rode horses BLAST! Then we were getting ready to leave the lake and yes I had to do it….. I sprained my ankle! AGAIN! SUCKS!

Thursday~ didn’t do anything! Lol!

Friday~ went to the omniplex w/my sista and my brother in law and my neice and nephew (not too much fun on crutches! Lol!)

Saturday~ went to my uncles and did fireworks, BLAST! Lol! Didn’t get home til like midnight! But still a BLAST!

Sunday~ went to church then went to white water, saw jake and Shayne, got hit on by this really really hot life guard! Lol! Took a painkiller and you would have thought I was drunk lol blew some kiss to someone I didn’t know and hey he blew me one back lol he had a crappy car though lol

Monday~ took everyone to the air port, went to the parade, went shopping, went to eldion park saw some of my friends BLAST!

This is a really long entry! Lol!

Well ill talk to ya’ll later

Love ya’ll tonz

Catherine

When I get a moment, I'll summarize what we did and put a post out here in my own words. Until then, you can live through my sister's eyes.

I Officially Became a "Grown Up" this Weekend

I was watching an Old Navy commercial the other day when I realized the 80's look is back. This of course made me start thinking about the stuff I used to wear back in the 80's. Blech.

I can't remember bell bottoms and other styles from the 70's because I was 6 when 1980 showed up so I can't make fun of myself for wearing the crazy 70's styles. I CAN make fun of myself for wearing parachute pants, big belts worn low slung across the hips with crazy print shirts and stirrup pants, and really full long skirts. It made me think of sweater dresses, units (knit mix and match stuff), polo shirts with the collar flipped up, and homemade tee-shirt dresses. Don't forget about going from feathered hair to really tall bangs in the 80's, spiral perms, and pastel makeup (blue mascara, lavender eye liner, etc). I started thinking about those nasty styles coming back in and I said to myself "Self, you just won't be fashionable anymore." You see, I can't wear a style that I made fun of myself for wearing 2 decades ago. It was then that it hit me....I'm now an official "grown up". I'm no longer a person who was just in college a few years back. When you decide you willingly won't wear the latest trend because it's what you wore in junior high or high school, you have officially broken with the 'hip' crowd and have become more like your uncool parents than the 20-something's in college today.

I don't see myself as uncool though...I see myself as smarter than I was in the 80's. At least now, I won't be laughing at myself in 20 years when I see a picture of myself from 2005. I won't have to wonder why I wore those dorky clothes, but the class of 2008 will.

Here's to being a grown up....

Love....

I'm getting married on 6/25 and recently I sat down and thought a lot about my sweetie and what love is.

Love in our relationship shows itself in many ways:

1. Oklahoma State (my alma mater) was in the NCAA tourney and since I live in Michigan, I rarely ever get to see any OK State sports. On this night, when we got home from work, J raced me to the closet for my bright orange OSU golf pull over. He actually wanted to look like a pumpkin for the night. It's a good thing I have an OSU sweatshirt because he is a much faster runner than I. We went to a local sports bar just to watch the game...both of us wearing bright orange shirts with OSU on them. He held his head high even after they lost.

2. Mother's Day 2005 - J isn't big on Hallmark holiday's or birthdays. They just aren't a big deal to him. That's one point we differ on as they are important to me. This year we had his children on Mother's Day. I didn't really expect anything seeing as I'm not their mother and J isn't big on that sort of stuff. Fine with me, I've learned to adjust. Well, we are over in Sandusky staying on the boat and he and the kids snuck off without waking me up. They also sneak back on the boat without waking me up. I woke up to hugs, kisses, and sweet little voices (one adult male too) saying "Happy Mother's Day". As I try to sit up in bed and rub the cobwebs out of my eyes, something warm and cup shaped is pressed into my hand. It was a Starbucks Mocha. (I LOVE STARBUCKS!!!) This was followed by a really cool gift card to Starbucks that had a message area where the kids wrote a very sweet note to me. That's one gift card I won't throw out when I've used up the value of it. All day long, I had a kiddo on each side of me and an un ending supply of hugs and kisses from all three of them. I was overwhelmed. I knew I was truly loved and important to our family.

3. I've recently had surgery and have had a lifting restriction. I was not allowed to lift more than 10 pounds. I think the restriction was only for the first 2 weeks after my surgery and my sweetie thinks it's for a lot longer than that. Needless to say, he carries my laptop into and out of work for me every day so I don't have to. I've been told by many other women that this is not something most guys would do.

4. The first Friday after my surgery we had my step children with us. I was still pretty much in the sleeping in and laying around the house phase. I woke up to breakfast in bed and three smiling faces.

5. J seems to know just when I need a glass of wine and someone to talk too. He doesn't try to solve my problems either. He just listens.

The grand finale of this short list of examples (I have many more):

6. First a bit of background....J was not in favor of having another child due to the horrific divorce he went through and the emotional damage done by his x-wife and the court system. That has delayed our getting married for a long time. He has come to terms with my desire to have a child but we agreed we would wait 3 - 5 years before we started trying. My recent surgery was for cervical cancer. While we were sitting in the oncologist's office talking about me possibly needing to have a hysterectomy, he asked the doctor a really puzzling question. He asked him if we could delay surgery for a while. My initial reaction was that he had lost his mind. I resisted the urge to look at him funny and waited until we left the office to ask him about his question. He said he knew I wanted to have a baby and wondered if we could do that now and have the surgery later. That thought NEVER occurred to me. Here he was looking after the desires of my heart and trying to find a way to make sure I could fulfill my dreams. Just like that, my heart and my love for him grew and grew. He was willing to put aside his nervousness over having a child and give up our agreed upon waiting period so I could have a baby. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Today, I'm writing to celebrate love. I believe love conquers all. That doesn't mean that love is great all the time. We find ourselves at our wits end with each other at times, but in the end, I know that I know he loves me and that I love him. Ain't love grand?

D'oh! I missed a call!!!

If you've read all the entries in my blog, you know that I was diagnosed with early stage cervical cancer a month or so ago. Since then, I've had surgery and have been waiting for the biopsy results to see if they got it all or if I have to go in for a more extensive surgery.

I had a feeling the doctor's office would call on Friday with the results. I carried my cell phone around with me all day just to make sure I didn't miss their call. The phone rang Friday afternoon and I tried to answer it, but my phone freaked out and wouldn't answer the call. They didn't leave a message so I figured it was a wrong number. I continued with all the activities I had to do in order to get ready for the baby shower at my house that evening for one of my friends. I didn't give the call a second thought until after the baby shower was over (now about 8:30 pm). I noticed the message light was blinking on my phone. I listened to it and realized it was the doctor's office and that they were the mystery caller my phone freaked out on. D'oh! I had missed the call I've been waiting almost 2 weeks to get!!! Unfortunately the doctor's office isn't open on the weekends, so I have to wait until 8:00 AM on Monday to call in and get the results.

I wonder if my phone freaking out and not allowing me to answer it was a sign from the good Lord above. You see, my other 1/2 left to go out of town on Thursday night and won't be back until tonight. Maybe I wasn't supposed to get my results until Monday for some reason...maybe.

PS - When I spell checked this, the spell checker on this site questioned "blog". I'm surprised that a blog site would wonder if blog was spelled correctly. I was amused.

Laying out in my Kitchen

I never thought I would live to see the say when I laid out indoors on my kitchen floor.

I'm working from home this week so I can continue recovering from surgery. A very key requirement for working from home is that you have POWER to your home for your computer. About 2:30 pm the power in the house went out. I sat around for a few minutes waiting to see if it would come back on. It didn't. I found my way out of the basement and upstairs. Luckily I had JUST charged my cell phone. I called my sweetie to get the number for the electric company and then I called in the outage. The said the power would be back on by 5:42 pm. (Does that seem like an odd "exact" time to have the power on by?)

In the meantime, there wasn't much to do but sit out in my courtyard and read a book. I don't really get much wind in the courtyard so I wasn't cold even though the temperature was a cool 58 degrees. After a while, I noticed that the sun was pretty intense and that I was quite warm. So I put on my swim suit and continued to read in the courtyard.

As the sun sets at my house, the available sunshine moves from the courtyard to the kitchen near the door wall. Naturally, I moved inside with it. I arranged a couple of cushions on the tile floor and left the door wall open. I was so relaxed and stress free. It was wonderful.

I kept checking to see if the power was back on, but it wasn't. I flipped over onto my stomach (still on the kitchen floor) and fell asleep. An hour later I woke up. It was 5 o'clock. I was to meet my friend in 1/2 an hour for dinner / drinks (Sprite for me since I'm injured). Good thing I woke up. I needed to get ready. Unfortunately, there was still no power. What's a girl to do w/o power?

So, with no light in my bathroom (no window either) I washed my face and prepared to put my makeup on in front of a window. I was looking under the sink for something when the lights came back on; however, I didn't realize the lights were on. I started putting my make up on in front of the bathroom mirror when I laughed. It was only then that I realized the lights had come on and in the nick of time too.

Sadly, today is overcast and rainy and the power is on. I can't wait until I can layout in my kitchen again.

Doesn't everyone lay out in their kitchen?

Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those rare days when my future step children were more attached to me than they were their dad. Normally they want to sit next to him on the couch when we snuggle in for a movie (understandable...they are his children), but yesterday they wanted to sit next to me. I was in heaven. For 2 hours, I had a beautiful child lovingly tucked under each arm all snuggled in on the couch under the blanket. For 2 hours, I wasn't the step mom sitting on the end of the couch while the little ones squeezed in close next to daddy. For 2 hours, I felt just like a mom would. I got squeezes (3 squeezes means "I love you" in our house) and kisses all night long. Normally those are reserved for dad and I'm the onlooker aching for children of my own that would sit next to me on the couch some day.

Yesterday, I was in heaven.

Justice was Served Today!!!

My sweetie and I were driving home a month ago when we were pulled over for running a red light. I was driving and we both knew I didn't run a red light. It was yellow when I went under it (located over the middle of the intersection). I explained this to the cop and he just said "You ran a red light." So my court date was set for a month later. Fast forward 30 days...

Today we went to court and the judge asked me how I wanted to proceed. I said I wanted a hearing (wasn't admitting responsibility) so the judge swore the cop and I in. The cop got to go first. He explained what he observed (LIES!!!). He said I passed the "stop bar" on the intersection a full 2 seconds after the light turned red. How could I have passed the "stop bar" on the intersection a full 2 seconds AFTER the light turned red when Jeremy and I both clearly saw that the light was yellow as I passed under it???!!! (LIAR!!!) The cop also said that he was in some parking lot observing the light. (LIAR!!!) He also (looking at me while he said this to the judge) said that "Ms. Harris informed me that she did not run a red light when I presented her with the ticket" like somehow that was going to help his case or steal my thunder??!!!

Then it was my turn. I presented the judge with a packet of 3 pieces of paper (Michigan statues governing yellow lights - basically says the driver can make a judgment call about whether or not to stop based on safety, a diagram of the alleged offense, and a map quest map of the area). I offered this same packet to the cop but he declined to take it (he later lived to regret this decision). Back to the story...I had a kicka$$ diagram showing the position of everyone (this is when the cop started trying to look at mine). The cop was actually in the turn around lane and NOT the parking lot. The judge asked him about whether or not he wrote this on the ticket and he said he didn't (dumba$$). Since my witness saw the police officer in the turn around lane and we had it documented, the judge asked the cop more questions about where he was. He said he couldn't remember but that at either place (turn around lane or the parking lot) he had sufficient view of the light to determine whether or not I ran a red light. His argument was that it shouldn't matter where he was, but oh yeah, he said if he was in the turn around lane, he normally documents that on the ticket, so since he didn't document it, by default, he HAD to be in the parking lot. Riiiiiight (eyes rolling).... The judge asked him a few more questions about his recollections that night and then spent about a minute thinking. He said in light of the lack of the officer's documentation / specific recollection he had no choice but to rule in my favor. With regards to the offense of running a red light he entered a judgment of 'not responsible'. The end. Cop boy should do a better job documenting and someone needs to tell him that it's not nice to lie.

All the way to work I was singing (to the tune of nanny nanny boo boo)...'he got beat by a girl....he got beat by a girl.' Justice was served today. I did NOT run a red light. I did make a judgment call on whether or not I should stop before crossing into the intersection at a yellow light. The cop lied about it and he lost. Yay for me! The sad truth is that had he documented things correctly, the ticket would have stuck. "Proof" in civil infractions is the cop being sworn in and then giving his recollections of an event that took place a month ago. I watched a girl defend a "no right turn on red" ticket against the same cop just before it was my turn. She and her witness both said that the light was green when she made the turn. The cop said it was red. Judgment was in favor of the cop. "Rap" went the gavel and the poor girl was stuck with the ticket. I'm inclined to believe that the light was green. What do you think?

Things I've Noticed - UPDATED

I noticed that pulling out a gray hair hurts a lot more than pulling out a normal hair.

I noticed that people in my dad's generation always qualify race when talking about someone of African American descent. Example...the team lead in ICU was black. He was the main nurse responsible for "recovering" my mom after her triple bypass surgery. He did an EXCELLENT job with my mom and with our family. My dad, who is not a racist, became hospital friends with this man and invited his family to church. They were both in the air force as medics so they swapped air force stories. When my dad was telling my uncle about the "black nurse" taking care of my mom, I listened intently to see what he had to say about the man. He had only good things to tell my uncle about him. I just don't understand why he needs to qualify race. He never said the "white doctor" or the "Hispanic orderly". I noticed that he only qualifies race if they are African American. Not sure I get that one.

I noticed that 62 and breezy seems much colder to me after a weekend of 80 degree weather than after a weekend of 40 degree weather.

I noticed that playing basketball with a bunch of kids in flip flops is a bad idea.

I noticed that drunk dialing people always seems like a good idea at the time but the next day seems silly when you actually hear your message played back to you.

to be continued....

Really, I'm fine....

It's funny. I've adjusted to having cervical cancer, but my friends and family haven't. At least, I THINK I've adjusted. Earlier today, I was in a meeting with one of the executive vice presidents of my company and my dotted line (-----) boss. My ----- boss (pregnant female) knows about my condition. She is more worried about it than I am. As a matter of fact, she was ready to pull me off the project I was working on just so I wouldn't have much work related stress. I reassured her that I really wanted the project that I enjoy the "stress" because it takes my mind off of things. Sorry....I have rambled. Back to the meeting with the EVP and my ----- boss.

The EVP is a female as well and she joked and said "I know you're getting married in June, but don't even THINK about getting pregnant!" It was a joke, kind of. She has a lot of talent that's out or soon to be on maternity leave. She doesn't want to lose anyone else. My ----- boss looked mortified when the EVP said that. She wasn't mortified because she said it, she was mortified b/c the end result of my condition could be childlessness. There is no way the EVP would know what's going on with me and I imagine she thought my ----- boss was choking on a peanut or something rather than reacting to what she said. The EVP wouldn't know that what she said could be considered by some to be callous. No biggie. I just thought it was funny. My ----- boss told me she would worry about my personal life for me because she knew I wouldn't. It's not that I'm not worried about what's going to happen, it's just that I've adjusted to thinking of myself in those terms. Maybe next week it will be different.

and just like that....life was different

Yesterday was a tough day. I found out in the morning that I have cervical cancer. I was fine about it until I had 2 minutes to myself and then it hit me. I have been attacked, assaulted. The odd thing about this crime is that the perpetrator is my body. It revolted on me. I can't just take medicine and feel better. I have to go see an oncologist so he can figure out how to get it out of me. Then I have to watch and wait to make sure I never get it again. I never really understood the power of the word "cancer" until it was used by my doctor yesterday. I'm a victim....at least that's how I feel. I broke down in a meeting and cried because I'm scared. The "c" word scares me.

I count my blessings to have been born in 1974 instead of 1874. If I had been born 100 years earlier, I would have died a very horrible, painful death in my early 30's. There wasn't anything they could do about cancer 100 years ago. Assuming I would have married and had children like they did in those days, my family would have watched me go from being a healthy energetic 31 year old woman to a very sick one. I would have left a husband to care for my children in a time when husbands didn't worry about the kids. That's what the mom did. How horrible was it for women just like me 100 years ago? They just suffered as cancer took over their body and they died a horrible, painful death. Like I said, I blessed to have been born in a time when medicine can fix me. The worst thing that may happen to me is that I won't be able to have children after this. That would suck too seeing as I'm getting married in June and would like to have a child one day, but I guess that's just the way life goes.

That was just the first half of my day....at 4pm I received a call from my dad. He told me that my mom has to have a triple bypass surgery. That's really hard to hear. My mom is 59. She shouldn't need a triple bypass surgery. I'm 1000 miles from my mom. That's hard too. I just wanted to cry. I felt panic welling up inside me. Our bodies are betraying us and there is nothing we can do about it but surrender to the knife and let someone cut the bad part out.

I've heard my friends tell me things like this but I didn't understand it and couldn't empathize with them until yesterday.

Yesterday was the day I got labeled with the "c" word. My life will be different from this point forward.

I'm just really thankful for the friends and family support I have. A lot of people don't have that.

A Ballerina, I am No Longer

I was in dance (tap, ballet, jazz) for most of my childhood years. I was in a pointe class for 3 years in high school. I could pas de bourrée, pirouette or chassé, but I can do these things no longer. Heck, I can't even remember what they are. I was once graceful when I walked, now I'm lucky to walk in heels w/o falling down. This lack of grace inspired me to buy a ballet workout video. My other half was watching me execute these very simple ballet moves and I was struggling with them. He didn't laugh at me and said that he believed I actually was good at it once. Bless his heart, he's a saint.

I woke up the next morning extremely sore. You see, you don't necessarily break a sweat in ballet but you do use most of the muscles in your body. It is an intense strengthening workout.

I have a LOOOOOOOOONG way to go before I'm good at this stuff again. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get back into my pointe shoes and prove to my sweetie that I really can dance sur les pointes. It was a humbling experience.

Wish me luck....

I want to thank you...

I was driving to my step son's basketball game on Saturday and the Dido song "Thank you" came on. The lyrics of the chorus are:

"I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life."

I started thinking about what was the best day of my life and felt compelled to call my mom. She was the person I needed to thank for giving me the best day of my life. The best day of my life was the day my 15 year old sister was born. My whole family was in the delivery room. I was 15 and my brother was 13. We were so excited about having a baby brother or sister (we decided not to find out before the baby was born). I remember watching the birth and being so amazed at seeing my sister pop out of my mom. My dad was amazed too because back in the 70's the dads had to wait outside and weren't allowed into the delivery room. Watching this birth was a first for him. My brother, always squeamish around doctors, needles, and blood, was busy keeping my mom company. He couldn't bring himself to watch the delivery. I, on the other hand, wouldn't have been torn away from watching her enter the world for anything. After she was born, I got special permission to go with her to the nursery (you had to be 16 to get into the nursery) and give her her very first bath. It was a magical day. Every moment that I've spent with my sister since has been magical too. She is the most important person in the world to me. I love her to pieces.

So I thank my mom (and dad) for giving me the best day of my life. November 1, 1989.

Slack

Slack....it's a very important thing to have. In project planning if you run into a problem and you have no slack in the project plan, you're screwed. Before you have the boat yank you out of the water on a ski, it's very important to have the driver take up the slack. In life if you get no slack from those around you, you walk on egg shells or you aren't around them much. Why is slack so important? When you need to have it and you don't, it's a problem and when you shouldn't have it and you do, it's an equally bad problem.

I've noticed that with people, the amount of slack you get is normally related to how patient they are. Why is it some people are really patient in some situations and in others they have no patience at all whatsoever? I think that if I can figure that one out, I'll be rich!

Please feel free to throw your own 2 cents worth in........

Lost Poem - Lost Friend

My sister (she's 15 - she's a belated blessing to my parents who have been married for almost 40 years) found some old notes I had saved from high school and one of them was a poem written to me by a very dear friend. Were it not for him, I don't think I would have survived high school. Finding this poem took me way back and started me thinking about all the people who have been important to me over the years that I have lost touch with. It also made me appreciate the people who are important to me now. They all have a similar trait - they are loyal no matter what. Those are the best people to know. You know who you are and I hope you know how much I appreciate your friendship. One thing that hasn't changed over the years, it seems I always have that one friend who saves me from everything. I guess I thought as I grew older, I wouldn't need to be saved from things as often....I was wrong. To my life saver - Thanks. I couldn't make it through this world without you!

Here's the poem my sister found:

To a friend who has laughed and cried

to my good friend who stood by my side......

this is for you

________________

my dear I can honestly say

that you make me shine a little more day by day

your shoulder of warmth is always near

kind and gentle when I lose a tear

you have a gift of a heart bigger than me

bigger than Dallas, and all eternity

I'm gracious to have you loving manner near

to comfort the many times that I fear.

should you ever go, my hear would weep

because I know our bonding is deep

but I will not worry about that sorrow

for everyday I will say "she will be there tomorrow"

because you're special to me, I wanted to write

and tell you how I felt this very night

though the feelin has come many times before

I had to say it's you I adore

thank you, I know, isn't a big enough word

and I could ponder for days on what to say, but it would be absurd

But I know you understand cause that's the way you are
you're as open as the sky and as bright as a star
and I know you'll understand if I ask " have you ever wondered"
well you know my answer it's just one word
but to get back and tell you, you're more than great
Maybe I was suppose to say that, and for you to believe it's fate
But.....no, you deserve more, and I know it'll come dear
just be patient and let me steer

and if you choose to be independent and do it on your own
I will be your co-pilot, just give me a phone
I will always be there to cushion your fall
all you have to do is think of me and call
then I'll be your shoulder - the shoulder of care
a warm hearted friend who will always be there
and if the world is hard to handle and you don't know what to do
just come to me and we'll trudge on through
I can promise you'll be received with open arms always
and we'll work it out in minutes, hours to days
so never feel you're all alone as long as I'm here
you'll always have God and you'll always have me, so threes nothing to fear
you don't owe me anything, having you is my great reward
A true friend, a wonderful girl I adore

That is you my dear, and I'm glad I can say
That I'm very lucky to have you every single day
You're a special part of my life and I'm thankful to you
thanks again and I love you.........

Yikes - It's so dangerous here

CNN had an article about the safest and most dangerous places to live. Oddly (to me), NONE of the 'safest' cities were anywhere near the middle of the country. Stranger still are the cities on the most dangerous list....4 of them are either in the Midwest or the south. What's wrong with that picture? As expected, Detroit made the list of the most dangerous places to live. I guess we should be happy that we live in the second most dangerous place in the US as opposed to the 1st place city. I'm sure this list makes the NFL people feel all warm and fuzzy about having the Superbowl here....

MOST DANGEROUS
1. Camden, New Jersey
2. Detroit, Michigan
3. Atlanta, Georgia
4. St. Louis, Missouri - REALLY??? I never would have guessed!!!
5. Gary, Indiana

SAFEST
1. Newton, Massachusetts
2. Brick Township, New Jersey
3. Amherst, New Jersey
4. Mission Viejo, California
5. Clarkstown, New York

Be careful out there...it's a crazy, dangerous world! If you don't believe me, go hunting in Wisconsin. They have hunters killing each other up there over the use of a deer stand....nutty!

I'm a Dumba$$

Oh man....I pulled a good one today. As it turns out, I'm not alone in the world on this one. I don't have the market cornered on stupidity. (Yay for me)

I was diligently working on a program and was almost done. I was "hyper focused" to quote a co-worker and made a copy paste mistake. I went to type "undo" and instead typed "can". BIG MISTAKE. CAN means cancel and it undoes everything you've done since you last saved. One problem.....I hadn't saved since I started working on this program (over 2.5 hours worth of hyper focused work). I was staring at the screen and felt a bit like Dorothy probably felt when she realized she wasn't in Kansas anymore. I wasn't in my program anymore. That could only mean one thing....all my changes were gone. At that point, I had 3 options, take out my frustration on the computer, utter every explicative I've ever heard, or go talk to a friend and tell them what a dumb thing I did. Ugh...so much for focused.

What I learned from my friend is that a lot of people do that so at least I no longer feel alone in the world, but I will be teased relentlessly about this. I'm expecting a large sign to be placed over my monitor that says something about saving my work....I love my friends!

Stuck

Have you ever felt stuck? Stuck in your house because you were sick or just had surgery or something....Stuck in your jeans because your rear didn't quite fit into them....Stuck in your shoes because you unwisely purchased a pair of shoes a wee bit too small because your normal size of shoe made your feet too big (yes, I'm a girl). Have you ever felt stuck in a situation, good or bad?

I do and I want to whine about it. I feel stuck in about every way possible. I feel stuck at work, stuck at home, extremely stuck in my personal life (merry-go-round), I'm stuck geographically, and I'm not really sure what to do about any of it.

I was telling a friend of mine about everything that's going on and they said to me (names have been removed to protect the innocent) "when this all works out, can I use your life and write a screen play...I think it would sell". What do you say to that? I just so happen to think this person may be right. The sad thing is that about every 2 or 3 years, I feel this way about my life. Is this normal or am I an odd one? (K & M - don't answer that...ha ha ha)

I'm glad Christmas is drawing near. I can go home and visit my family and become unstuck for a while.

If I had a glass of whine in my hand I'd make a toast and say "here's to not being stuck", but I don't. Maybe I'd bypass the toast all together and down the wine.... =-)

Next time, I'll tell you about "super flying cat". That's a funny story (at least I think so).

And the Props go to....

Once upon a time, there was a girl, okay lady (I guess being over 29 means I really shouldn't refer to myself as girl), who thought she was up on the latest technology and "IM speak". Enter stage left: her 14 year old sister started sending her e-mails with things like "newayz" in it. The lady was quite confused by these types of new words and missed the meaning of her sister's e-mails a lot of the time. Enter stage right: Onomatopoetic.

Cut...what is this stage right / left crap. Aahhhhhh! I'm doing it again.

This word, "neways", was read by me as "new" "oz". Not sure what that and lots of other words mean, I ask my friend (you know her as Onomatopoetic), to interpret for me. She always saves my rear and then I look cool to my baby sister when I can write back using her lingo.

Neways...one day Onomatopoetic sends me a link http://www.blogger.com/profile/3797454 and says if you're bored read this. So I do and I'm reading this story (July 2004 at the above link "What will the day bring? " about this person who is driving her friends car and a chunk of pavement hits the front of her friends car. I read on and think to myself, wow, this is amazing. A friend of mine, K., had just told me that a story remarkably similar to this had happened to her. Then it struck me, K. was Onomatopoetic, Onomatopoetic was K. So for about 10 seconds I felt like a putz. I noticed at the top of her page it said "Blogger" and over somewhere else, it said "blog". Once again I found myself at a loss to define the web words and so I asked my friend what blog meant. She explained that it's short for web log.

I've been reading her "blog" since she sent me the link in June. It's really addictive because she is a great writer and I find her quite funny. After about two months of reading hers, I toyed with the idea of starting my own blog. I thought of a few things to write but never sat down to do it until yesterday. So here I am, a blog newbie and I'm having a blast. I have my friend K. to thank for it. Am I weird because I find this entertaining?

So props to K. for inspiring me to do something I never thought I would, could, should.

Time

Time is precious, but you don't realize how precious until it's too late.

I was at the gas station getting fuel for my car when my significant other said to me "Did you hear what happened?" I said, "No, what happened?" I thought it was the start of a joke so I was all set to be amused. I was not prepared for what I heard next. He said "KPB's husband died yesterday." I sat there, stunned, and asked him what happened. He said that he had been at the gym working out when he had a seizure. He died before KPB could get to the hospital.

KPB is a person I have worked with for a couple of years. She is in her late 30's with two beautiful young boys. She sat across the isle from me for a year when she was pregnant with her second child. I used to hear all the antics and stories a new mom has about her boys and her wonderful husband. Life couldn't have been better for them. Her husband was fit and worked out regularly. At 38, he couldn't have been much healthier.

I don't know what they said to each other that morning before they left the house for their jobs. I don't know if they were mad at each other over something stupid or if they said "I love you" before they parted ways. I do know that there is a mom who has to bury her husband and she never expected to do it this week. Given his good health and level of fitness, she probably didn't have that as a normal worry. Maybe by the time she was 70 she would worry about it some. In the meantime, there was nothing to do but live and raise their family.

In the 10 seconds it took for me to find out about my friend's husband, I was transformed. I instantly forgave my significant other for some of the tiffs we've had lately. I called my family to tell them how much they mean to me and I made a pact with myself to "put the big rocks in first." No more getting bent out of shape over petty things or letting little things like cleaning the house get in the way of spending time with the important people in my life. Yes, it's really tough to do, but I want to make the change. I will never expect the call I get saying that my husband, mom, dad, brother, sister, dear friend....has been taken to the hospital. No doubt, one day it will happen to me. To that end, I will strive to live like time is precious (because it is).